I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
