I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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