lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
