He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
