theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
did i walk over a car last night?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
