Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
