PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
