Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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