go do what you do best...puke behind churches
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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