Well douche your snatch and let's go!
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Randomize
