he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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