im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
