Well apparently he's into motor boating.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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