I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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