I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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