This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
