I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
