Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Randomize
