can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
you mean i was at the winter classic?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
