Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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