i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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