i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
