oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
