A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
