He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
