Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
