I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
