Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
