Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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