I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
