Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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