sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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