It's Friday. Sex?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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