I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
