i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
