just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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