I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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