I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
