so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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