the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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