I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
We just shotgunned beers for America
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
