i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
