I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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