my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
