I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
