PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
