I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
