My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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