I wish I could teleport
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
