You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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