I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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