i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
