***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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