I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
tell your sister to shave her snatch
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
